Dealing with Abuse

We've all been abused, in a single form or another. Needless to say, the term conjures up images of sexual and physical abuse - frighteningly common inside our society. But you can find other styles of abuse - which range from overt bullying to less obvious 'slights' contrary to the individual. All of these carry a cost of some kind, and when we allow it, these historical acts of abuse may also affect our future lives.

Abuse, and similar traumas, cast lengthy shadows. They blight people's lives. We carry irrational feelings of guilt after abuse and bullying episodes, and it's really important to figure out how to let these feelings of guilt and shame go.

This is where counselling can certainly help. Since it is difficult to get a precise view of your respective history without outside help - we have been, by nature, very difficult on ourselves. I'd like to describe among the mechanisms that i believe is in charge of a few of this difficulty.

We have something special, as humans, for finding patterns. EASILY were to provide you with some randomly-generated numbers, or colours, or shapes, you'll somehow look for a connection between them - it's section of our human genius. Likewise, whenever a person is abused on several occasions, they instinctively construct a 'theory' concerning this - and the 'theory' often involves seeing themself because the common denominator. So acts of abuse don't just hurt at that time, in addition they change just how we see ourselves.

Nobody should feel trapped by their history - it is not fair, also it isn't reasonable. This instinct for finding patterns implies that we construct a fiction about our personalities, predicated on our experiences. Several bullying episodes in your past say nothing useful about you as an individual. Nothing. Yet their presence in your history may lead your inner mind to create a self image that is inherently vulnerable. In an identical fashion, several completely random accidents can result in an individual judging himself 'clumsy'. By these accidents of history we build a graphic of self, also it could be a random, unreliable process.

So in the event that you feel trapped by your past, perchance you will summon up the courage to get outside help. Not today, but at the same time if you are feeling calm, and strong enough to handle difficult memories. Just because a skilled outsider can assist you not to discover the connections, but to break them, also to recognise that sometimes we have been not the normal denominator, we simply been in the incorrect place at the incorrect time.